he has his own personal rules, but tonight he discards them.
rules are but mere guidelines anyway.
tonight, he would rather trace the outline of her body.

how does one even begin to conceptualise something so..huge?

and i think my group is really screwed for performance. and apologies because i'm not bringing my bass to perf class for now because guitar is my individual assessment inst and i need to freaking buck up. (theres a reason i didn't want to be bassist for this group project in the first place)

i think i just might be able to pull off alhambra, but not rhapsody. sighs.

in the past few days i have:

1. gone out with jacq who is as ever industrious and hardworking and already has some internship which she is already busy with, whereas i am doing absolutely nothing. well i polish chandeliers and clean window grilles now, that has to count for something. we both <3 cotton on now very muchly. bought pretty skirts from there (: (mom later said that yes it was indeededly a very very nice skirt...and proceeded to muse on how she could convert it into a top, to my horror. well i don't think she meant it...) and enjoyed our 3rd-last day to get a student discount on anything ):

2. met tsi yin and desiree (: milked the absolute last opportunity to use student concession and got into the egyptian exhibition at the national museum, which tsi yin pronounced as not being worthy of the $16 entry fee we would have paid otherwise because there was 'only one body' but otherwise egyptian skill and detail and aesthetic is incredibly intriguing and amazing.

3. played taboo for the first time with cousins on new year's eve. have figured out that alex is straight and also racist, as all sji guys are wont to turn out, although thankfully in a harmless way. most hilarious game ever. lisa and i have psychic connection! "WE WERE TALKING ABOUT THIS SWEET THE OTHER DAY THE ONE WITH A HOLE IN IT" and "MY FAVOURITE FURRY ANIMAL FROM THE ARTIC"

3. met up with megan, clare, sam n, lay cheng, chrys and farhanah!!!!!!!!!!!! i haven't laughed so long and so hard for a very long time (aside from taboo evening) and it was awesome possum. so so very happy now (: it felt really great to see them and they were all superbly irrepressible and noisy and funny tha ti think the waitress at manhattan fish market was incredibly perturbed by us. or at least by megan and her antics. heh heh. AND TRAVEL FARE IS SO EXPENSIVE NOW ):

4. read Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer (FINALLY) and while it was extremely confusing as to who was addressing who and who was narrating as the narrator switches, it was really lovely. it actually kind of defies description actually, not least because of the 'visual writing' Foer employs. granted oskar can be really irritating and mean and petty, which annoyed me a fair bit, his mettle and determination to just go out there and get something done, even in the face of suffocating fear or hesitation make me admire that 9 year old boy very very much.

5. read The Three Incestuous Sisters by Audrey Niffenegger whose illustrations are so simple and lovely and dark and every line means something and i wish i could create art like that.

6. HAVE PURCHASED THE GRAPHIC NOVEL VERSION OF NEIL GAIMAN'S NEVERWHERE i forgot how gripping it was, although this comic book adaptation leaves off all the narration, so i think i have some re-reading to do.

7. watched The Young Victoria at the club. was expecting a bit more of her policies and etc but it is a gripping movie. initially, anyway, what with conroy and the duchess of kent! and that insulting speech the king gave at the dinner party, of which two-thirds apparently was what the king did say, verbatim. and lehzen and how she was once so important to the queen but in some ways proved to be hampering her as price albert showed her. and i find it so sad that victoria had albert's clothes laid out every morning even after he died at 42, all the way until she was 81.

8. watched Sherlock Holmes! and it is a splendid movie, with action and adventure and murder and mystery and humour and the occult and every possible element put into the mix in such beautifully measured amounts - all that witty repartee between robert downey jr and jude law is incredibly funny, and not to mention it is rather clever of the writers to pick a supposedly supernatural background given sherlock holmes' reputed supernatural and uncanny scientific and logical ability to deduce and observe. HOWEVER, and i have read all the 4 novels and 56 short stories of Arthur Conan Doyle, i...take issue in the characterisation. surely watson was never that astute and that sharp - wasn't there always this sense that watson was very much in awe of holmes, always? and holmes himself was detached and distant, very seldom ever revealing any fondness or affection for watson? i believe in one of the stories where watson was injured watson himself said he was surprised and very moved to see holmes moved to tears, and hear his menacing reproof of the culprit who shot watson. and there was never so much emphasis on the fighting although one must concede it is often alluded to in the books...bleh in all i suppose theirs is a justified interpretation of the characters and maybe i am just precolored by the usual bumbling fool portrayal of dr watson.

9. have been learning to apply eye make-up by trial and error. nobody has remarked anything so far so i assume i must be doing something right. although i have very little eyelid to apply anything on actually, mom says my eyelids are actually too small to cover my whole eye and when i sleep my eyes aren't actually fully closed.

10. currently reading Sherlock Holmes Was Wrong by Pierre Bayard, which i find a bit egotistical and all-too-precious and a bit arrogant. imagine nitpicking the great holmes himself just for wrongly reading a clue occasionally, or misinterpreting something ever-so-slightly, as in the case of the yellow face. honestly. and as the Bayard says so himself 'the world that the literary text produces is an incomplete world' so i'm not so sure why he is so fussed about it.

Its just before midnight.
Wait for 0000.

Ah, here it is. a braaaand new day (:
so here's a few quotes.
i've decided this blog shan't be for documenting or journaling events anymore because what needs to be remembered, i will keep in mind anyway.
so here i shall deposit anecdotes. i will try to do this daily, if not, i will provide pictures, collages of pictures, to show how I'm doing in Life.

i think i should give dr sim the URL, get her an account, and then 'Friend' her on lj.

anyway. back to the new purpose of breakmontblanc.
Quotes to think about. just one today.

People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messed cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.
- Chuck Palahniuk

i think i realized why I loved Kristen Stewart in Speak so much.
i think i know why i love that film.

damnnn.

missed my alarm for the 2nd day in a row. so screwed. woke up at 7.

As I mentioned in my reply to zombie,
i tried to cross my eyes.
and failed.
but using the Finger, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

crappily sleepy.

okay i don't know how much time i'll need to
1. type in the roman numerals
2. type in lyrics
3. do the presentation slides
4. print

but i'll wake up at um...4 and see how.

i feel angry that their keyboardist borrowed hl's keyboard, played like shit for overture and then returned it with one missing knob.

seriously. fcuking n00b.

it saddens me that homework comes first. no time this week at all.

and performance indiv assessment is on the 18th?? gotta be kidding me. whatfuck man.

 I want to read Captain Corelli's Mandolin!

In other news, my throat's a lot better! (:

5 things i have learnt about life in 2009
1. it's a lot uglier than it seems.
2. it's also a lot more beautiful than it seems.
3. sometimes it's much simpler than you think.
4. it's also damnably much harder and more intractable than you think.
5. that God gets you through it all somehow.

10 things i want for 2010
1. lose the bad habits
2. be at peace with self and life and work
3. read a lot so my brain will not dry up into a culturally deprived wasteland and my vocab bank be as disastrous as wall street on the day of the lehman brothers crash
4. to continually be happy and content in relationships
5. not let bad things interfere with what i can do with myself and my time
6. continually make art that counts
7. earn $
8. to write
9. good grades -fingers crossed very very hard-
10. NO MORE GURMIT SINGH ON TV




i had a dream the other night that i was sitting for my a level h2 maths paper again, and that i hadn't touched maths for a few months and i was steadily working up a panic before i woke myself up when i actually exclaimed aloud in my sleep.

then the other night i dreamt i got a U grade for maths. please let this not be the case.

i think i see a recurring theme in my dreams. am scared to go to sleep now.

Nutella on toast. Rainbows. Perfect weather. Sleeping in on a rainy day. Ending the day on a good note. Happy people. When my iPod plays the song in my head. Pictures in photoframes. Baking. The smell of cookie dough. Seeing my friends in love. Letters/notes/post-its. Swings. Having a good dream. Sitting in my room. Long bus rides. Polaroids. Meeting someone I haven't seen since forever but still being able to feel absolutely comfortable around him/her. Receiving unexpected texts that make me smile. Balloons in every colour. Comfortable Silence. People I love. Being able to relate to a quote, as bad as it may be. Friendly neighbours. Yakult. When the radio plays a familiar song and I can sing along to it. Smile exchanges. Making up after a quarrel. Not having an awkward conversation. The feeling being remembered. Seeing the people around me happy. Coloured candles. Having an 11:11 come true. Successful birthday surprises. Love, laughter, a hello, a smile, a hug, Home :)

What makes you happy?

this is a really bad night. i need you, baby.


yet my mind tells me...i probably need you too much.

everytime a7x comes up on my itunes, the void opens up again. wonder what the future holds for a7x.


'got nothing against you,
and surely i'll miss you'

 Shall use January to teach myself some French. Oui.

had a surprisingly good day today. am happy for now (:

wedding at OLPS was um..can't say realy because the choir loft was up on the 2nd level so we couldn't see anything! the music was good, for the most part...some morons just don't look at dom enough and screw up. ah well. i think my solo was okay......sigh. it wasn't the best i could have done. and i didn't realise that thomson to siglap = less than 20min by car! zomg. so fast. haha. rode with daniel, chris wong and elliot drove us there. coming back was a mess because i thought we'd make it to the thomson area around 11plus so i could head to bishan to give hl a heads-up before meeting joanne at somerset at 1.

turns out chris had to settle some bank stuff at thomson plaza, so we had to wait close to half an hr for him?! hahaha. the arrangement then changed to meeting joanne at her place instead so since elliot&co were headed to simlim, they dropped me off at little india mrt and i got to boon keng nice and quick. spent about an hour or slightly more at joanne's place..haha she scammed me, told me the guy in the living room was her bro. turned out to be her boyfriend hahaha damn funny. ah well. she decided she didn't want anything fancy so just filmed her talking for 16 seconds. one take, finito!

am home now, attacking more music theory. i really suck at harmonisation. with the amount of time i've spent on this assignment i really should be done by now and moving on to remt but nooooo i think for ages before filling a part and then i run out of time! meh. hope i can go out to meet hl for dinner later (:

Happiness is a form of courage.

- Holbrook Jackson

outsider.
unwanted.
uncared for.

stupid
naive
incapable

me.

seriously, welcome 2010. how nice to begin the year with a mind spinning out of control.

so much for the excitement, i was looking forward to beginning afresh, being happy, writing in my new journal.
seriously,
what a disappointment.